Friday, January 21, 2011

Women and Pantyhose

Am I the only female in the 35-50 age demographic that actually misses pantyhose?  I know that there are many women who have voiced their exuberance at the fact that pantyhose are a thing of the past-- or now worn only by our mothers.  But, I'm here to tell you, I miss them!

I was in my brother's wedding last year, and felt almost not fully dressed without my nylons.  Of course I am part of that select group who used to enjoy wearing Leggs, back in the 80's.  Remember the egg?

Any woman who tells you that she enjoys the freedom of not having to fight with control tops is either lying to you or too thin and perfect to keep as a girlfriend!  Because I'm telling you,  every woman--at least every woman I know--wears Spanx!  If not the name brand, then a knock-off product that serves the same function:  Illusion.

Women have always loved using our gifts of illusion, right?  Make-up, haircolor, eyelashes, high heels, painted nails... There is no illusion in naked legs.  It's just real.

Now for my sisters who have a dewy or golden skin tone, I can understand why you wouldn't mind baring your legs.  But for those of us cursed with the English pale white skin-- it's not attractive.  Oh no,  please don't tell me to use one of those self-tanners.  Orange fake-bake is even worse than pale white.  Especially the streaky-orange of the back leg that is too hard to reach or the brownish- dry skin enhancing discoloration that occurs on the ankle or knee areas.

Pretty?-- No! Pretty ugly.

So tell me, please, whose idea was it to do away with pantyhose?  Some beautiful Brazilian bombshell?  An Italian beauty with her glorious olive complexion?  An African-American knock out?  It sure wasn't a girl whose ancestry came from North Western Europe.  Oh gee, I'm not referring to YOU, you Scandinavian goddesses!  I'm talking about my English, Irish, and Scottish girlfriends.  Power to the freckle, and the big-hat at-the-beach-wearing sisterhood!  You understand me, right?

I find it funny that someone along the way decided to try an appease us.  They have made high end panty hose that have the toes cut out, so we can (wink, wink) fool everyone when we wear our open strappy sandals!  Awesome idea!

Now all I have to do is get a tan on my toes!

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