How Today’s Culture Affects Our Teenage Kids

My latest blog post for Jellytelly.com:

As the mother of two boys I’ve not been highly interested in anything about bringing up girls.  Those tidbits of knowledge weren’t anything I needed to know, or so I thought.  I now have a teenage son who is all-of-a-sudden interested in the opposite sex.  You remember the age where personal hygiene, hair style and clothes became important to you?  Well, he’s that age. Girls are still a strange breed to this boy who thinks nothing of burping the alphabet after one good swig of Coke. But he’s now interested in them.  As his mother I take this new interest seriously.  I’ve begun reading books about raising daughters and the affects our culture is having on our girls.  It’s frightening.

It’s no surprise that boys are just as influenced and just as affected by our culture as girls, but it seems that our poor girls have a barrage of mixed messages that are aimed at their very deepest layers of self esteem and self worth. Confusing expectations that our society hands them; expectations that, for a young girl, may be in direct opposition of how she is being raised at home.  Our current culture greatly mirrors that of the sixties and seventies; a sexual AND social revolution idealism that permeates virtually everything they see and hear. It’s the ideology that says “If it feels good, go ahead and do it, because there aren’t any real consequences”, is back! And guess what? It’s no longer an philosophy that only those who live on the fringe of our culture hold as truths.  No, these are the so-called “new truths” that are being presented to our young people.  There is no longer an understood standard of right and wrong, because we have nothing to base that standard upon. When we no longer utilize a Biblical world view to measure our actions, we are left with our “inner feelings” to use as our litmus test against what is right and wrong.  We’re told to leave God out of it.  

Dr. Dobson has written a newsletter recently which tackles what he calls “The River of Culture”.  He specifically speaks about our daughters and the ideas that today’s society is carrying down this river.  These shocking bullet points are straight from his newsletter:

• Early sexual experience is healthy, and for girls it leads to empowerment!

• Virginity results from oppression and should be gotten rid of as soon as possible.

• There are no innate differences between men and women, except for the ability to bear children.  To be truly equal, mean and women should act and think alike.

• Modesty is old-fashioned and  reflects the oppression of the past.

• The source of true power for young girls depends on maximizing their sex appeal, and then marketing it in the competition for boys.

Are you as mortified as I was after reading these for the first time? What does this mean for the spiritual and physical health of our young adults?  As a parent, I need to take this all in and seriously ask God for wisdom. I know I can’t keep my son at home sheltered and away from the world.  That was never my intention, anyway.  But what I can do is give him the Truth that comes from God’s Word.  I can go counter-cultural and teach him that sex is a beautiful gift that God (still) intends for a husband and wife, and then assure him that he will never regret preserving that gift for the woman who will one day share his life.  I can teach him to respect all girls and how to treat them as ladies.  Chivalry is not dead in our house! Opening doors, and pulling out chairs for a date may be “old fashioned”, but that’s what he’ll be taught. I can also teach him that the beauty of any woman is something that comes from the inside, not just the outside.  I can remind him to seek out the depth of a person’s heart before sharing his.

Above all else, I will diligently pray daily for him; pray for his discernment in the choices that he must make, and the many obstacles that he must face in the world he lives. We have time before the dating years start, but these are days where talking about the important aspects of building a healthy relationship are vitally important.

  

If you are a parent that is looking for some good reading material on this or a related subject, there are a couple books that Dr. Dobson has recommended:  A Return to Modesty and Girls Gone Mild, by Wendy Shalit; and Prude, by Carol Platt Liebau. Of course there is also Dr. James Dobson’s books, Bringing Up Girls and Bringing Up Boys.  

Why Are We Christians So Pre-Occupied with Sex?

Boycotts.  The very word sends chills down my spine.  Not the action itself, because I'm all about standing behind social justice issues.  But when there's a boycott wildfire spoken about these days, nine times out of ten it's organized by a Christian organization regarding something to do with sex or a deviant there of.

The newest boycott that is hitting the social media circles is that of Dancing with the Stars, which premiers this coming Monday.  The issue at hand is the transgender son of super-star Cher, Chaz Bono.  Chaz, who was born a girl and named Chastity, always felt as though she was a man trapped inside the body of a woman.  I'm not going to get into biology, because the transgender issue has been made into something that revolves around perversion by those who are calling for this boycott.  Evidently seeing this man dance on stage will glorify a sexual deviant, and therefore add to the demise of the fabric of our society.  I get it. Sort of.  The thing is, according to the Bible--and all of us who claim to live under the NEW LAW, isn't hate and gossip as sinful as any sexual sin?  There are no longer levels of sin.  Jesus died for all of us, remember?  I would assume more people are deeply hurt and therefore turned off of of anything to do with Jesus because of our sin of hate, compounded by simple fear and misunderstanding.

Having a Biblical worldview, I think of sex as a gift that I save and share with only my husband.  But I don't usually spend much time talking to the world or even close friends about my sex life.  And I appreciate those with the same sense of propriety.  On the other hand, the subject of sex is something that doesn't freak me out.  I am not pre-occupied with it.

As the mother of a special needs child, I can assure you that we parents with children who are not part of the norm in society, don't rub our hands together and rejoice.  It's a tough road for all involved.  We have to make sure our kids know they are loved and valued, no matter what the world says to them.  I can only imagine the pain that some parents must be going through, knowing that their children are literally hated because of their sexual orientation.  Hated by people who have quite possibly lied, cheated, killed (through abortion), committed adultery (in action or thought), gossiped, or stolen at some point in their life.  But, you say, these people have repented! Yes, until the next time they are hell bent in causing pain to another person who they fear.  Until they take action that blatantly says, "I hate you AND your sin...because the Bible tells me so!"

That, my friends, is sin.  Driving anyone away from the saving grace of Jesus through our actions is sin.  We are not called to be judges in this way.  We are called to have discernment in action and thought.  We are called to LOVE one another, as Christ loves us.  We do not bring salvation to anyone through hate.  Just the opposite!  My prayer is that we, as Christ followers, be mindful in all of our actions.  If we make one person slip due to our words, that sin is on us.

I know there are going to be a lot of people in my own subclture who are going to be angry at this blog post.  But the hate that we Christians sometimes exude, is so upsetting to my very spirit.  Love like Jesus, and let Him be known to all around you, no matter what size stick they may have in their eye.

To Home School or Not to Home School; Tough Decisions (What's in the Bible Post)

My post this week in What's in the Bible:


I never thought I’d be a home schooling mom. It wasn’t that I was against the whole philosophy, I just never entertained the thought. My kids went to school, and that was the working-plan for us. So, a few years ago when God put the idea into my head to pull my children out of school and begin homeschooling them… I thought I had lost my mind! I had what I like to refer to as my “Jonah time”, where I would try my best to drown out God’s message to me, not wanting to hear it. It was too big and too scary! I was not equipped! But, like many home schoolers before me, I gave in; I listened and prayed for His direction, wisdom and discernment throughout the process. And then I went absolutely nuts buying curriculum, which I’m pretty sure wasn’t necessarily part of God’s original plan, but I found it a rather satisfying alternative to retail therapy!




For the last four years I have been a home schooling mom. This year, with much prayer and a lot of counsel, we have decided to send our kids back to school– for several reasons. My oldest, who is in the 8th grade, was ready to go back. He desired to have a traditional school experience and was emotionally ready. Two weeks into it, he loves school. He has made a few good friends and he’s even not complained too much about all the homework! Praise God, the transition seems to be going well.



Our youngest son is my biggest issue. He is on the autism spectrum-high functioning, and quite honestly, I feel like I’m at the end of my ability to fulfill ALL of his academic, emotional and social needs. I need help. I need that village! I’m also emotionally burned out and physically tired. Sadly, there is no Christian tutorial or co-op that has opened their arms to my requests of joining and he needs things which I feel I fall short of providing him here at home. We have found a wonderful team of professionals who are helping us through this transition. In all of this I feel God has released me from any guilt in seeking help for my son in either a traditional school environment or even an alternative education venue which can be combined with home schooling. I believe that God brought us to this place to give us these alternatives for my son which I didn’t have back home in California. We still don’t know what direction we’ll take. Sometimes circumstances make decisions tougher than we’d like for them to be.



I’m not alone in making these difficult decisions about my children’s education. There are many other families in our home school communities who simply have to choose a “plan B” for their own personal reasons. I hope all of us have a heart for one another when such important and delicate decisions must be made. For those who are in the midst of making tough decisions about their children’s education, I implore you to guard your hearts and choose your mentors wisely. These are hugely important decisions that must be prayed about before coming to any conclusion one way or another.



I used the words “burned out” to describe a little of what I’m personally feeling. I’m the first to tell you that burn-out alone is not a reason to stop homeschooling, if you feel that the Lord is still calling you into this ministry. In fact, let’s be honest, we have all had the Mommy-Homeschool-Burnout!! It’s a real thing, and if you’re feeling like you just can’t go on with what God is asking of you, then please know you aren’t alone! I know school is just starting, and I know that you feel you should be at the top of your game right now. But maybe you haven’t recovered from last school year. Or maybe you sense that you’re already on the verge of burn-out. If you’re like me and think you can hide those symptoms from your kiddos, I’m here to tell you they can see that you are on the edge of losing it. Plus, really, it’s not fair to them. The questions are, what are the symptoms of burn out?–And what can I do to help myself get through this?



I found this article very insightful! Take some time to read over it and share with us what you found helpful. Or maybe some of the home school veterans can share with us what has worked for them!



During my days as a home schooling mom, I lacked adequate support. I belonged to local support groups, but felt like no one really was being honest about dealing with the downside of home schooling. (Gasp…there’s a downside???) I couldn’t go there and honestly seek sisterly counsel. We all need that place! Where we’re living now, things may be different. Home schooling is looked at differently in the South–in the heart of the Bible Belt. But for those of you who might be living on the “fringe” in parts of the country where the home schooled kids mustn’t be heard or seen until 3:00PM, in order to avoid a potential visit from the truant officer, I encourage you to find or even form a support group. A safe (kidless) place where you can talk openly about the struggles, joys, fears, successes and failures that you have to deal with on a daily basis.



I think it’s obvious that any of us who have made the life altering decision to close the door (even if it’s only for a short season) on traditional education and have opted to home school our kids, do so with their best interest at heart. This is not an easy life choice. There is no personal glory. No one is going to give you the kudos you deserve. But that comes with many decisions that are counter-cultural. And for that reason, while my own story may make some angry that I’ve “given up” or “sold out”… I hope to encourage each of you wonderful home schooling moms (or dads) today! Stay focused on the Lord, and let Him be your strength. Oh, yeah…and, you totally ROCK!



**And parents, you who choose to go the route of traditional education because it’s the best fit for the needs of your own kids–you ROCK, too! What we ALL must remember is that whatever we parents do, it’s all about the kids! Education should always start and end with God’s Word in the home of any Christ follower.



Proverbs 6:20-23 “My son, keep your father’s command and do not forsake your mother’s teaching. Bind them always on your heart; fasten them around your neck. When you walk, they will guide you; when you sleep, they will watch over you; when you awake, they will speak to you. For this command is a lamp, this teaching is a light, and correction and instruction are the way to life.”

Jesus is Returning...Someday (Jelly Telly Post)

This is my latest blog post for http://www.jellytelly.com/ :

What were your first thoughts when you heard that there was a 5.8 earthquake two days ago, centered in Virginia and felt along the entire Eastern Seaboard? For most of us an earthquake centered somewhere like California wouldn’t cause us to think anything “strange” was occurring. But minutes following the earthquake, many took to Facebook and Twitter to make comments about this significant event, and more than just a few made mention of Matthew 24:7 “Nation will rise against nation, and kingdom against kingdom. There will be famines and earthquakes in various places.”


Of course this isn’t the only Doomsday talk that is circling the media. Earlier this year, Harold Camping announced that the Rapture would take place on a certain day at an exact hour–which obviously didn’t occur. He has since tweaked his ‘prophecy‘ and has come up with a new date! Then there is the famed Mayan Calendar showing that the world will end on December 21, 2012. Hollywood has even gotten on this bandwagon! While most adults can hear these predictions and usually put little credence in them, how does the Doomsday talk affect our kids?


Dr. Wendy Sue Swanson, a pediatrician at Seattle Children’s Hospital, who was interviewed by ABC News about the affects of Doomsday predictions on kids, was quoted as saying “It depends on how your children absorb media,” If they’re plunked down in front of the TV hearing ‘the end of the world’ a bunch of times and then seeing photos of the Missouri tornadoes, it may come together in their minds as something real and scary. Kids of preschool age have a hard time determining reality from non-reality and their imaginations are on fire.”


As a Christ follower who looks forward to the day when I can see my Savior face to face, I understand the excitement that many of us feel when we think prophetic Scripture is being played out. That being said, I don’t think we need to dwell on WHEN Jesus will return, because He made it clear that no one knows the exact hour, except God the Father. As parents, a good way to prevent getting caught up in the ‘end of the world’ frenzy and causing undue anxiety in our families, is to simply remember that we are called to stay ready for that glorious day when Jesus does return! But what does it mean to “stay ready”? And how do we instill that consistent righteous behavior in our kids?



Jesus answers this question by using an illustration from everyday life. Suppose a master is going away for a while. He entrusts responsibility for managing his household to one of his servants. A foolish servant would use the master’s absence as an opportunity to abuse the other servants while indulging his base appetites with too much food and drink, all on the master’s ticket. When the master returns unexpectedly, the foolish servant will be punished for his abusive and wasteful behavior.


In contrast to the foolish servant, Jesus explains: Luke 12:42-43 “A faithful, sensible servant is one to whom the master can give the responsibility of managing his other household servants and feeding them. If the master returns and finds that the servant has done a good job, there will be a reward.” The wise servant was ready for his master’s return, not because he spent his efforts trying to project the time of that return, but because he did well what the master had given him to do.


We’ll be ready for Jesus to come back if we bear witness to him in word and in deed, generously sharing the good news of the kingdom, the blessings God has entrusted to us, and even how the Lord is working in our own lives. I will be fully ready for the return of my Master when I am intentionally following him in every avenue of my life. As for our children, once they get to an age of reason, teaching them the idea of repentance and instructing them, how to personally ask Jesus into their hearts is also something that we can to do to help them stay ready for His imminent return. And if Jesus doesn’t return in our earthly lifetimes, we have the hope, given to us by His Spirit, that we will see Him face to face in the next life! What joy to know that no matter what, we will be reunited with our Master!

NYC Day 3

On our third day in the city, Dave and I took the "divide and conquer" approach.  Davey and I got up early-ish and headed uptown to the Metropolitan Museum of Art.  We both quickly discovered that there would be no way we'd see everything we wanted to during this trip!  What a huge, and wonderful place to get lost inside!!  I think my son took a million pictures, ran his camera battery down to nothing, then took my iPhone to take more pictures--running my battery down to nil!  It was a definite "hit" with my little historian.

That same morning Joey wanted to go to the Toys R Us located in Times Square, because they have an indoor ferris wheel!  What fun!  Dave and Joe did the toy store thing and then met up with Davey and I at Serendipity 3 for lunch and dessert.

Ok, Dave and I had lunch.  The kids, being on vacation mode, decided that life was way too short to NOT have dessert first!  Each of them had a huge sundae for lunch-- I know, bad parenting!!  But, yeah, you DO only live once!

Very full tummies and the *obvious addition of triptophan to the ice cream products, caused us to head back to the hotel for a little while to rest and digest.  Then we were off again for the Statue of Liberty.  Or so we thought!

I had bought tickets online and read the fine print incorrectly.  Thinking the last ferry left Battery Park at 6:15, we just took our time walking downtown until we felt we could get a cab for the remainder of the trip.  It was 4:30... in New York.  Dumb, dumb, dumb move!  Why is it when you're on vacation, it seems like everyone else in the world MUST also be on vacation?  Well, surprise---these people who weren't on vacation were getting out of work, and taking cabs.  All of them!

When we finally got a cab, he took us the "long way" to battery park.  "Because of the traffic", he said.  Yeaaahhhh...okkkay?!

We went via the East River and were nicely surprised to be able to show the kids the Brooklyn Bridge, which really is a beautifully designed bridge!  But still in bumper to bumper traffic, all we wanted to do was just get to Battery Park!

Upon arriving to the Park, we were pleasantly surprised that there were absolutely no lines to get on to the ferry to the Statue!  SCORE!!  We knew if we timed things correctly, we could beat these insane crowds!  As we power walked our way to the dock area, where we assumed a security check would occur, we found no one.  Not a soul.

Come on!  It's only 5:15 and the last boat leaves at 6:15!!

No.  I was totally wrong.  The last boat leaves the Statue at 6:15.  The last boat leaving Battery Park was at 4:30.  Oh man!!  We were all so disappointed!

We decided to walk a couple blocks up the street to Ground Zero and look at the progress being made through the windows of the Financial Center.  While there we met and spoke to a security guard whose re-telling of the events from a personal perspective brought tears to our eyes.  He also told us that the Marriott, which Davey and I would have been asleep in that morning was actually crushed when WTC2 fell.  A new set of chills came over Dave and I!

The Freedom Tower is going to be amazing!  They are already over 70 stories into its completion, and the 9-11 museum is almost ready for the September 11 opening this year.  So many emotions came over us during this visit.  While the Statue of Liberty is an important symbol of the freedoms we Americans are blessed to have, seeing this area where terrorists attempted to steal our freedom from us was even more meaningful in many ways.

That night we headed back to midtown, and decided to take in the Empire State Building.  It was 8:30, and the building was open until 2am. How long could this take?  Maybe 30 minutes, right?  OH>>>MAN!!
(to be continued)

NYC Day 2

Yesterday started with all of us getting up very LATE--which meant my schedule plans exploded!  Did I tell you that I am 'that' person while on vacation? You know, the woman who has an itinerary and keeps everything flowing smoothly???  Well that's me!  So, getting started at 9:30 am was really messing with our plans of hitting the Statue of Liberty at 8am, before the mobs of people arrived at 10am.  Darn!

So we went with an alternative plan,  and took a cab up to the Natural History Museum.  My boys love the animals and dinosaurs at museums like this.  Me?  Well, my heart wanted to be across Central Park at the Metropolitan Museum of Art.  I sort of feel like my lifetime fossil viewing allotment has been reached--thank you.   But the kids enjoyed it, and that's what mattered.

Before we went inside the museum Joey desperately wanted to try a hot dog from one of the street vendors.  As crazy as it sounds to those of you who know my typical  OCD tendencies, I bought him one.  He did fine, no food poisoning (whoo hoo) AND he listed THIS $3 experience as one of his "favorite things done while on our vacation"!

Like I mentioned in my previous post, it is BUSY here in NYC.  Much busier than I have ever seen it.  It's Disneyland-summertime-busy!  (People from California will get that analogy).  Which means a lot of waiting and security checks, everywhere.  If you want a coffee-- or if you want to eat at any restaurant--or if you want to see any site in the city... there's a looonnnnggg line. To include the museums!

Dave's cousin told us about a great burger joint that happened to be located inside the Le Parker Meridian Hotel.  This is a fairly nice place in uptown, so we were worried they might trick out the burgers with truffles or other non-necessary frou-frou things.  Nope.  It's a real burger joint that serves what smelled like amazing hamburgers.

Yes, smelled-like.  The line was out the door, and ever table was full, and I had two kids who were about ready to eat...um ...$3 street hot dogs!  So we went with what we knew, and headed down town to Little Italy.  Total score!!

My oldest son somehow knew about this little pizza place, called Lombardi's.  It was AMAZINGLY good!  In fact, the best pizza we've had!  Afterwards we walked in what Dave calls "the old neighborhood" and bought a few things to take back home.  Tennessee is awesome, but I do miss the good Italian food and groceries that either coast (and Chicago) has to offer.   Dave was walking around like he belonged there, and honestly, he blended in pretty well!

After coming back to the hotel, I stood in the mile long TKTS line to see what Broadway show tickets I could get for that evening.  I wanted Mary Poppins, but everyone with larger amounts of testosterone chose Phantom of the Opera. I got the tickets at 50% off face value!  Great seats, too!

Many, many years ago I sat in that same theater with my new husband dreaming of the day we would bring our children back with us to see a real Broadway show.  Last night was a bucket-list moment.  Both boys did great!  It was hard for Joey to not talk during the show, but he managed to be "mostly" silent!  As for the French couple who sat in front of us...I hope they recovered from my "mommy-death-stare" that I save for people who try to mess with my kids.

After the show we took the kids to Sardi's for an after dinner treat.  They loved looking at all the caricature pictures on the wall, guessing who was who.  Their favorite celebrity picture was that of Kermit the Frog!

As we left Sardi's an earlier light rain had turned into a full on down pour, so we hopped in a cab for the three block drive back to our hotel!  The cab driver actually argued with Dave about taking us "only" three blocks.  My poor husband had literally reached his limit with cab-driver attitude, and to me it sounded like he somehow channeled his inner Tony Soprano after the kids and I left the taxi.

After getting our "second wind" we noticed it was 1am and we were all still up, not sleepy at all.  Uh oh,  I bet we have trouble getting up in the morning...again.

NYC or Bust

This is our first vacation since Dave got sick, back in 2007.  While Dave and I would have preferred a week (or two) on the sand somewhere tropical; the kids wanted action and so we decided on New York City!


Dave and I used to come out to NYC every year, mostly for Dave to work and to catch first run B'way shows (because I used to actually be a drama geek...) Many times we'd drive up to the New England states to experience fall in all its beauty!  


Obviously in the last 12 years, times have changed.  New York has changed, too!! Like, what's with all the trees and planters?  Urban renewal, I suppose.  It's lovely but the city is unrecognizable to me in many ways. 


The last time we were scheduled to come out to NYC together was September 8, 2001.  Dave was called to town for a meeting and the three of us were going to stay at our usual hotel, The Marriott World Trade 3. 


Yeah... 
For some reason (I'm going with God on this) that particular trip was cancelled two weeks prior to us leaving.  That hotel fell between the Twin Towers on 9-11.  I remember that morning so vividly.  To think Davey, who was 3 years old at the time, and I would've been asleep just floors away from what happened that fateful morning... No words.


Today was the first time I have seen Ground Zero since the terrorist attacks of 9-11.  At first glance, I couldn't breathe.  Then I cried.  Again, no words...


Traveling with a child who loves to see everything and one who tires easily because of over-stimulation, can be tricky.  We take turns going back to the room with Joey and hanging out for a few hours, while the other explores the sites with Davey.  It's our "normal".  


New York is proving to be as exciting as always, and we're looking forward to seeing as much as possible with the kids.  The usual touristy stuff, and well as some local hang outs that we got to know about during our travels out here years ago.  Nothing better than having dessert in Little Italy al fresco! Or sitting in Central Park in just that perfect location, sipping coffee and watching all the people walking by mid-day. 

And yes... some B'way shows are definitely on the agenda! 


More to come...Stay tuned!