How Montessori Failed Our Autistic Son

It's almost the time of year when parents start looking at alternative school options for their kids.  I know we started this research around this time, last year, ourselves.  There's so much to check out that it can become a daunting task, and one in which you may desperately desire to get an unbiased opinion about the school, teachers and IF it's going to be a good fit for your child.

Our son is high functioning on the autism spectrum.  Not Aspergers, mind you, but high functioning with a normal IQ.  He has behaviors that go hand in hand with autism, like ADHD, some sensory issues, and anxiety.  If you're the parent of a child who's on the spectrum, you'll already understand that there's no one-size fits all for our kiddos.  Just like each of them have specific needs, each of them require specific environments to help enrich their over-all education/socialization needs.

I have been homeschooling my son since Kindergarten.  Our public school options back in California meant that he would be "resourced" for most of his academics.  Meaning he would be pulled out of his mainstream classroom to a resource/special education room with other kids who had learning disabilities.  It sounds doable on one level, but with all the education budget cuts that had taken place, we were left with one special education teacher, a big resource room, and several kids who performed on a variety of levels academically.  After hearing the odds that appeared to be stacked against him in public education, we chose to home school. 

Upon moving to Tennessee, I spent countless hours researching schools, both public and private. I liked that we lived in a county that promoted inclusive education; meaning they would keep kids with special needs in the mainstream class with the help of an aide, as long as they were able to stay up with the class and not disrupt the learning environment with behaviors.  Tricky, since I knew he was going to be anxious going from a one-on-one learning mode to having 30 other kids in class.  And, like many homeschoolers already know, we're pretty laid back about needing to use the restroom, asking questions, talking, and even getting up and roaming the house if need be.  Staying on task with a kid on the spectrum many times means going out of the box with options to bring them back into a focused state.  Traditional classrooms can't function like this, obviously. 

It was at this point we started researching alternative education options.  We were told by our new therapist that if he got more socialization opportunities, it would help in his over-all social development.  Not really understanding how we would facilitate this growth from the outside looking in, we delved into looking at feasible options.  And by feasible I also mean affordable.  Let's face it, private schools, especially the ones that would have staff who knew special ed, are expensive.  I kept telling myself. "we can't put a price tag on anything that would help (our son)."  But really, there are some wonderful schools out there that would take me going back to a full time nursing job just to pay the tuition.  While that wasn't off the table, entirely, we found what we thought might be a good and affordable alternative: Montessori!

There's some good information written about the Montessori method of learning, and how it helps kids who learn differently. There are good write ups on how Montessori allows kids to learn at their own speed, never pushing them to a level of anxiety, but also taking into consideration the whole child.  It sounded lovely!  It sounded too good to be true. And for us, it was.

I'm not here to bash Montessori schools.  Just like in any other alternative education environment, there are good fits and bad fits.  I'm just writing to tell you that not all assumed good fits will actually pan out. 

First, you must know that if your child is NOT self motivated, this may not be a good learning environment for him.  There are some kids who love the idea of learning and who can't get enough knowledge.  Our son, if given the choice of playing or reading will always-without hesitation-choose playing!  Plus he's smart enough to see when teachers try to combine the two, and will (and did) balk at the whole idea!  This particular learning environment increased his anxiety, caused him to wander the halls (because that's evidently ok with this particular school) and take many 20 minute bathroom breaks.  His teacher, who supposedly came with a degree in teaching special education, handed my son off to a teacher's aide, who had NO experience with autism and who was left frazzled at the end of the day from not having the necessary skills to effectively communicate with him. 

I think what I became the most irate about, was that Montessori gives the kids about a 6 week time frame to "adjust" to their new surroundings.  That makes sense.  But what does not make sense is that they NEVER ONCE communicated with either myself or my husband about our son's personal transition, his behaviors, or their concerns.  Hey, if it "takes a village", maybe bringing in mom and dad as part of the equation might be a good idea???  Just a thought...

In the end, my son didn't like going to school and they didn't feel like they could meet his needs.  Mostly because the teacher's aide decided that she no longer wanted to work full time.  It was a disaster! Our only experience was one of resentment, anger and frustration.  Our son, who gained absolutely NO SOCIALIZATION skills from this awful experience was brought back home, and I'm once again home schooling him.  He's now a happy, well behaved child...who has many friends and playmates.

Socialization is something that is better serviced when parents can get involved anyway.  People, even mutli-degreed professionals, who tell you differently do not always have your child's best interest in mind. 

Parents, you KNOW your own child.  His gifts, his limitations, his needs and his potential.  Think very stongly before entrusting your precious child to an educator or learning institution that sells you on the fact they are a perfect fit for your child.  Maybe they are!  But pray for discernment and then trust that inner voice!

To Home School or Not to Home School; Tough Decisions (What's in the Bible Post)

My post this week in What's in the Bible:


I never thought I’d be a home schooling mom. It wasn’t that I was against the whole philosophy, I just never entertained the thought. My kids went to school, and that was the working-plan for us. So, a few years ago when God put the idea into my head to pull my children out of school and begin homeschooling them… I thought I had lost my mind! I had what I like to refer to as my “Jonah time”, where I would try my best to drown out God’s message to me, not wanting to hear it. It was too big and too scary! I was not equipped! But, like many home schoolers before me, I gave in; I listened and prayed for His direction, wisdom and discernment throughout the process. And then I went absolutely nuts buying curriculum, which I’m pretty sure wasn’t necessarily part of God’s original plan, but I found it a rather satisfying alternative to retail therapy!




For the last four years I have been a home schooling mom. This year, with much prayer and a lot of counsel, we have decided to send our kids back to school– for several reasons. My oldest, who is in the 8th grade, was ready to go back. He desired to have a traditional school experience and was emotionally ready. Two weeks into it, he loves school. He has made a few good friends and he’s even not complained too much about all the homework! Praise God, the transition seems to be going well.



Our youngest son is my biggest issue. He is on the autism spectrum-high functioning, and quite honestly, I feel like I’m at the end of my ability to fulfill ALL of his academic, emotional and social needs. I need help. I need that village! I’m also emotionally burned out and physically tired. Sadly, there is no Christian tutorial or co-op that has opened their arms to my requests of joining and he needs things which I feel I fall short of providing him here at home. We have found a wonderful team of professionals who are helping us through this transition. In all of this I feel God has released me from any guilt in seeking help for my son in either a traditional school environment or even an alternative education venue which can be combined with home schooling. I believe that God brought us to this place to give us these alternatives for my son which I didn’t have back home in California. We still don’t know what direction we’ll take. Sometimes circumstances make decisions tougher than we’d like for them to be.



I’m not alone in making these difficult decisions about my children’s education. There are many other families in our home school communities who simply have to choose a “plan B” for their own personal reasons. I hope all of us have a heart for one another when such important and delicate decisions must be made. For those who are in the midst of making tough decisions about their children’s education, I implore you to guard your hearts and choose your mentors wisely. These are hugely important decisions that must be prayed about before coming to any conclusion one way or another.



I used the words “burned out” to describe a little of what I’m personally feeling. I’m the first to tell you that burn-out alone is not a reason to stop homeschooling, if you feel that the Lord is still calling you into this ministry. In fact, let’s be honest, we have all had the Mommy-Homeschool-Burnout!! It’s a real thing, and if you’re feeling like you just can’t go on with what God is asking of you, then please know you aren’t alone! I know school is just starting, and I know that you feel you should be at the top of your game right now. But maybe you haven’t recovered from last school year. Or maybe you sense that you’re already on the verge of burn-out. If you’re like me and think you can hide those symptoms from your kiddos, I’m here to tell you they can see that you are on the edge of losing it. Plus, really, it’s not fair to them. The questions are, what are the symptoms of burn out?–And what can I do to help myself get through this?



I found this article very insightful! Take some time to read over it and share with us what you found helpful. Or maybe some of the home school veterans can share with us what has worked for them!



During my days as a home schooling mom, I lacked adequate support. I belonged to local support groups, but felt like no one really was being honest about dealing with the downside of home schooling. (Gasp…there’s a downside???) I couldn’t go there and honestly seek sisterly counsel. We all need that place! Where we’re living now, things may be different. Home schooling is looked at differently in the South–in the heart of the Bible Belt. But for those of you who might be living on the “fringe” in parts of the country where the home schooled kids mustn’t be heard or seen until 3:00PM, in order to avoid a potential visit from the truant officer, I encourage you to find or even form a support group. A safe (kidless) place where you can talk openly about the struggles, joys, fears, successes and failures that you have to deal with on a daily basis.



I think it’s obvious that any of us who have made the life altering decision to close the door (even if it’s only for a short season) on traditional education and have opted to home school our kids, do so with their best interest at heart. This is not an easy life choice. There is no personal glory. No one is going to give you the kudos you deserve. But that comes with many decisions that are counter-cultural. And for that reason, while my own story may make some angry that I’ve “given up” or “sold out”… I hope to encourage each of you wonderful home schooling moms (or dads) today! Stay focused on the Lord, and let Him be your strength. Oh, yeah…and, you totally ROCK!



**And parents, you who choose to go the route of traditional education because it’s the best fit for the needs of your own kids–you ROCK, too! What we ALL must remember is that whatever we parents do, it’s all about the kids! Education should always start and end with God’s Word in the home of any Christ follower.



Proverbs 6:20-23 “My son, keep your father’s command and do not forsake your mother’s teaching. Bind them always on your heart; fasten them around your neck. When you walk, they will guide you; when you sleep, they will watch over you; when you awake, they will speak to you. For this command is a lamp, this teaching is a light, and correction and instruction are the way to life.”