So after seven years of marriage, Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony have decided to end their marriage. Irreconcilable differences, no doubt. Maybe the Hollywood sect hasn't heard that marriage is tough. It takes work, devotion, and commitment. Why is it so easy for people to end a marriage? Should it be easier to get out of a marriage than it is a car lease? Surely not!
My husband and I have been married for almost 20 years. While I'd love to tell you it's been easy, that would be a lie. Marriage is hard work. Then you throw kids into the mix, and things get even trickier. But if we had gone into this marriage covenant with the belief that if things get too difficult, we could always just walk away-- then I suppose we might have opted-out many times before now. But, we both knew that this was a life commitment, and because of that, we decided to work through some hard times rather than packing our bags and calling it quits.
Before we got married, my then-boyfriend and I discussed the two "unforgivable sins". These are not necessarily Biblical, but for us these were the two issues that we might have had trouble working through and healing from. They were: Infidelity, and physical abuse (of each other or our children). We decided we could work through anything else, and unless we were faced with the Big Two, we never had a reason to use the "D" word. This included money issues and family on one side who (believe it or not) actually desired to break us up. We weathered some big storms, and because of that we are no longer shiny and new like in the dating years, but stronger and much more resilient.
I'm grateful that I married my husband almost 20 years ago. He still has the one set of arms in which I feel the absolute safest. He loves me in a way that I know is real and complete. Yes, we drive each other crazy at times. Yes, like most couples, we argue over somewhat silly stuff. (Yes, he does realize I'm mostly right--which alone makes him a keeper!) But seriously... we have decided to remain together. In good times and in bad. In sickness and in health. We've had all four of those during the last 20 years!!
While I didn't say the words, "OBEY" in my vows, I DO love him more today than I did all those years ago standing in front of our friends and family vowing to love him 'til death do us part. Hmmm...wait. "Deeper" might be the more accurate word. Yes, over the years we've just learned to love more deeply. In spite of our weaknesses, faults, and excessive baggage we still choose each other. Most days. (Hey, I had to add a little humor to the end...)
People refuse to commit to anything much anymore. We give up on our spouses, our kids, & our faith much too easily. I am divorced, but not by choice. Now we have a generation coming up who see all relationships as being transient. In a world where so many items are disposable or recyclable, we have now added people to that list.
ReplyDeleteHowever, I choose to stay loyal and committed (& some think I should be committed somewhere! LOL) and to advise others to do the same. And because I always think of exceptions to the rule....unless it is harmful, do not give up on anything or anyone. :)
(Great blog, Lisa! Except now I keep picturing people begging me to let go & not be so tenacious!! Sorry, warped sense of humor always takes control.)
My husband and I brought a lot of baggage to our marriage. I started to think, "This isn't hard, why do people get divorced ?". Then, it was hard. We have survived infidelity, financial problems, death of a family member,infertility a major move,chronic illness and many other of the major stresses they say should end a a major. I don't know how people without belief in God do it. But, I do know how we do it. We believe in Him, and that He put us together. The ONLY thing I would NEVER tolerate is physical abuse. BUT, I believe God can heal ANYTHING, including abuse, but separation is definitely a must for someone in that situation. I did say obey, and I meant it. I have never regretted that, much to some of my friends chagrin. Thank you for this blog. It is an encouragement, and a reality check. Be blessed!
ReplyDeleteWow!! Your family tried to break you up? I can't believe that!! You had better speak with your mom and dad to make sure that they talk to those relatives. Your husband sounds like a guy that comes from a good solid family.
ReplyDeleteYou are one lucky lady!
Tred carefully.
Tred carefully? How ironic! With your passive aggressive tone, you sound remarkably like the very family members I was referring to. Even in this action I wish you blessings in Christ, anonymous. Shalom.
ReplyDeleteIt is definitely a "fast food" type of mentality out there. I was at a wedding over the weekend and they were promised to eat other 'as long as love and life endures.' I was kind of caught off guard. What if they "stop" loving each other? Steve and I have been married 23 years. Most of the years have been strife free, but there were two years that were horrible because of some health issues that my husband had. Still, I wouldn't trade any of it because it has made us the individuals and the couple that we are.
ReplyDeleteI agree with you Lisa, I thought that I wouldn't tolerate infidelity or abuse. I met a couple right after we were married who survived infidelity. They handled it with such grace. I agree with your first anonymous commenter that all things can be healed with God. I am skeptical about the abuse part, but nothing is impossible for God.
Thanks Denise! Yeah, I don't know how I would handle infidelity. I can only guess my first reaction would be very human and not Christ-like. He calls us into covenant and then calls us to forgive as we have been forgiven. That's tricky when we have been so deeply hurt. But, yes... like you said, NOTHING is impossible for God! Amen and Amen!!
ReplyDeleteI just had a thought about being called into covenant. God had a covenant with the Israelites. How many times were they unfaithful and God kept calling them back to Him? That is what the book of Hosea is all about. I guess that means that we shouldn't underestimate ourselves.
ReplyDeleteAs long as the hubby realizes...I'm not as good as God. LOL
ReplyDeleteSorry, I wasn't implying that the wife is the unfaithful one in the marriage. I was thinking that if God, in His covenant, kept forgiving, how can we in our covenant with each other, not?
ReplyDeleteBut, I would still put abuse in a whole different category.